Shoes.

There are many things that I enjoy spending my money on clothes, make up, purses. But one thing I love is a cute fun shoe. I love heels! Shoes can make or break the outfit and often times am annoyed with my outfit all day if I don't have the 'right' shoes on. Most of the time you will find me during the winter in my Uggs and especially towards the end of my pregnancy as they fit and kept my feet warm and I didn't have to bend down to tie them. Now that I am not pregnant anymore and when I head back to work, guarantee you, I will be wearing all my fun heels again.

Well, you wonder how this pertains to our little Maggie. Let me tell you.

On the night she was born, if any of you have ever been in a birthing hospital room, there is a curtain that they pull in front of the door so that when they open and close the door, you as the mom whether laboring, birthing or breast feeding or sleeping are not exposed to anyone walking by in the hall. It allows more privacy when the big main door of your room is opened.

So this curtain was drawn after Maggie was whisked out of the room and I had barely any idea of what was going on and could not get up as the epidural was still wearing off and I was helpless in bed. The entire time in my mind I kept thinking someone was going to come in and tell me Maggie didn't make it. Yes, morbid, but that is how critical the situation was. So my heart was pounding, my mind was going and the tears were flowing and all I could do was sit there.

And as I sat there, people would come in and out of my room, doing this, cleaning that, collecting this, dropping off that and so I got to know people's shoes. No, I can't tell you now what people were wearing but I did know AJ's shoes were black Converse and my sister had her red Danskos. This was how I identified people when they came into the room. I was afraid of seeing the doctor who delivered Maggie because I didn't want to know if she was coming back with bad news. I didn't want to see the ER doctor who had to intubate her. I didn't want to see the on call pediatrician who was working on Maggie.

The sound of the door opening would scare me until I could see the shoes. A few times the door would open and the person would be talking to someone outside in the hall or on the phone and wouldn't come completely in so I couldn't see their shoes and so my mind would go crazy. The unknown. So unknown.

I still love shoes and I can't wait for the day when Maggie gets to wear all the cute Converse I had bought for her. That night sitting in my room, recovering and waiting to hear any news, all I could do was focus on shoes.